Somehow I missed posting this update to the blog :)
Today is the day we had our ultrasound to find out if we are having a baby girl or baby boy except...
WE DID NOT FIND OUT!!!
For all of you with your mouth dropped open wide right now in shock, I get it! For all of you who are high fiving us right now because you are all for the big surprise, I never thought I would get it but never say never right??!!
For those that know me know that I have NEVER desired to wait to find out the sex of our baby. I have NEVER desired to wait for the big BIRTH DAY gender surprise. I didn't judge those who chose to wait, but it just wasn't for me. I wanted to know for a laundry list of reasons and waiting was just never an option. Rance was the same way. We were on the same page so it was never discussed!
To my ultimate shock and surprise, Saturday a week ago, Rance completely left me speechless when he asked a really OUT OF NOWHERE kind of question...
"Would you be willing to pray about waiting to find out what we are having?"
SAY WHAT?!?!?!?! Everything in me wanted to fight back! Where is my husband? Who talked him into this? Was he really doing this 10 days before we actually find out? This is coming from the one who has been WAY more eager to find out than me. The other part of me thought "how on earth can I resist his request???? If he desires to wait then we wait right?"
Rance went on to say that he was totally okay with me finding out but again asked would I consider keeping it a secret from him and everyone else until baby arrives. He desired to wait. I did not; however, I agreed to pray about this even though everything in my flesh wanted to resist!
THE INTENSE PRAYING BEGAN...
I started by evaluating all the reasons why I did NOT want to wait. I am a type A personality, I like to plan, I like to prepare, I like to organize, I like to get all my ducks in a row, I like to know! If this is a girl, we got NOTHING! If this is a boy, I feel somewhat prepared. There are so many things in life we DO NOT KNOW, this is one decision I could choose to know so why on earth would I wait? Slowly but surely as I began to go through each reason, something began shifting. I knew I was willing to surrender all of these reasons except one that kept plaguing my mind.
When I found out Jayden was a boy and we chose his name, the Lord gave me a very specific prayer to pray for Jayden. I prayed it everyday until the day he was born (this is another update at another time). It is often shocking to see this prayer answered in Jayden already and he is only one. While I have been praying for this child in the womb already, I have felt a block in regards to a specific prayer and really thought it would be clarified once I knew if it was a boy or girl and I could pray for him/her by name. ..THEN the prayer would be confirmed right?! What is interesting is that during prayer time one morning this last week, I realized the Lord had already given me the specific prayer for this child (it was the prayer I have been praying for WEEKS now) and knowing his or her gender AND name was irrelevant. It was unbelievable. He blew me away with connecting the meaning of couple of names we had already picked out/tossed around before Jayden was born with the prayer I had been praying all along for this child. HE MADE CLEAR THE PRAYER HAD BEEN GRANTED ALREADY! I will share these details eventually but for now you will have to trust me when I say the Lord's nearness and revelation left me speechless and full of many joyful tears! This whole process has been emotional not because of NOT finding out the gender of Baby Shuler but because of the sweet intimacy with the Lord and His grace in revealing sweet truths to me all week long!
When I said above 'something began shifting' - the shifting was in regards to waiting. I was afraid to admit right away that I wasn't just willing to wait but something in me became excited about it as well. I kept quiet about this because I really desired NO outside influence in this decision or anyone's opinion. I knew in the back of my mind all along the answer was to wait in honor and submission to my husbands request, but I really desired to want that as well and not just be willing! I really did not think it was possible for me to be on board with waiting but it's crazy what the Lord will do if we are willing to yield and seek Him above all!
SO the decision is FINAL - we are waiting and I am excited which is ONLY a work of the Lord in me. I am giving thanks for this journey with Him this last week because it truly has been precious indeed.
In Christ Becoming,
Jenni
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